Friday, December 24, 2010

Techno Re: Rival

So I wasn't the only one on the Advent bandwagon this year. decided it would be more fun to give away $8K in gadgetry each day than come up with kooky images.  I'd like to to the think the pictures I found were worth way more than that.  You had to answer a Christmas based novelty question to be entered in each draw.  I took it a little seriously considering each winner will be selected in a random draw on the 25th.  If the jokes in your crackers fall flat maybe my answers could fill the void without the paper hat. 

What is Mrs. Claus putting in Santa's stocking? 
Mrs.Claus will be putting her sexy legs in Santa's stockings Reeee-ow.

What's Santa using his WhiteyBoard for? 
Santa turns football coach when the big day is all done. He uses his WhiteyBoard to put down his best plays. Elves Vs Penguins. 
Who is Santa friends with on Facebook?
All of the actors who have ever played him in movies.

What will Santa be using his Samsung Galaxy Tab for? 
Santa would totally augment his reality and use it as a windshield on his sleigh.

How does Santa stay healthy at this stressful time of year?
He opens up the gym based gifts tests them out and re-wraps them. The tell tale sign is his sweat, it smells like eggnog.
What is Santa Claus getting Apple CEO Steve Jobs for Christmas?
The power to grow a big white beard.

What is the first thing you will print on your new Epson printer?
A thank you letter or a 3D dragon...I can't make up my mind
Here's the dragon template
and the freaky video

What will Santa be snapping pictures of with his Nokia N8? 
He'll snap the sky in front where he's flying, it's an amazing view apart from all the reindeer butts.
What are the elves getting Santa for Christmas this year? 
Plastic Spock ears so he doesn't feel left out.
 What TV show does Mrs. Claus record weekly on her HP TouchSmart?
Mrs. Claus records Paula Deen's cooking show to get ideas for Santa's meals so he can stay plump and jolly enough to fit in the legendary red suit.
Deep fried turkey y'all?
 What is Santa currently reading on his eReader? 
Naughty or Nice by Eric Jerome Dicke
Which Canadian hockey team does Santa cheer for?
He probably cheers for the Calgary Flames as he wears their colors and the flames remind him of the fire places he has to squeeze down each year. 

How do you keep your laptop from overheating? 
I open the window and let winter in Canada do the rest!
Do you think Santa prefers Twitter or Facebook? 
He totally prefers Facebook all the tweets distracts the reindeer from flying in a straight line.
Assuming Santa doesn't bring it for you, what tech gadget will you be buying on Boxing Day? 
Some kind of gadget that turns coal in to diamonds that way I can profit from being on Santa's naughty list.
How does Santa protect his iPhone 4?
He had Mrs.Claus knit a protective case from hair that the reindeer had malted.

Driving Home for Christmas

Well I'm being driven and I'm going to someone elses home but it's definately that time of year!

Yep that's right, winter driving preparation.  Coming from a country that grinds to a halt upon the first flake of snow to hit the Tarmac, it's nice to be somewhere that plans ahead and tries to combat Jack Frost's traps on the roads.

Canadian Tire were nice enough to host an educational evening with a steering twist, it was held at Grand Prix Kartways home to the most awesome vending machine in the world and a Go-Kart race track.

The promise of skidding wildly around the circuit was contrasted by the message of safety shown in a presentation of various different products and inovations.

The Five Top Tips discussed seemed pretty common sense but made a great introduction to each range of items:

1.Install Winter Tires
-Makes sense right?  You wouldn't wear flip-flops on your feet outside in December after all.  They had the tires there so we could get up close and personal, giving the a squeeze to feel the different texture that gives an enchanced girp.

2.See and be Seen
-Cloudy headlights are often the cause of dim illumination rather than the bulb inside fading out with age.  It sounds like a scary project to replace the glass but you don't have to with lens restoration kits that hook up to an electric drill and give the clear surface a buffed up scheen to be just like new.  You also want to be able to see out during what ever comes your way on the windshield so wiper blades can be upgraded too.

3.Top up Fluids
-Seasonal fluids are more than just eggnog, synthetic oil is specially made for the colder condtions to keep your engine ticking over nicely.

4.Check the health of your battery
-It's not as easy as plugging it in a wall socket to recharge it when it dies.  Don't get caught out.  If it's been in your car for three years or longer you should get it checked annually.

5.Stock up on essential winter items
-An emergency roadside kit is such a good idea, especially when things like Sarnia snow happens.

 After getting to grips with all the infomation it was time to drive!

Thankfully we were inside and didn't have to put in to practice any of the tips we had just learned. It had been a while since I'd  been behind a wheel this size (and on the opposite side of the road I hasten to add) so I didn't fare too well against the other drivers.  It was a fun evening and I managed to retain some if not all the knowledge inside my helmut despite rattling down the home straight at top speed.

 Wherever you are travelling to today safe Vrooming!

Winner Winner Chicken Dinner! If you'd like a chance to win a Tuque, a 2GB memory stick and a wad of Candian Tire money comment below listing the Five Top Tips I mentioned. I'll pick a winner after Christmas (Contest open to anyone in Canada) Good Luck.

Door Number Twenty Four

Door Number Twenty Four

Thursday, December 23, 2010

Door Number Twenty Three

Door Number Twenty Three
Watch out for the Christmas volcano Diplodocus!

Sunday, December 19, 2010

Door Number Nineteen

Door Number Nineteen
I wish all emoticons had hair followed by go go gadget Santa breasts 

Monday, December 13, 2010

Saturday, December 11, 2010

Door Number Eleven

Door Number Eleven
3D cinema is fast becoming a Christmas staple with an Avatar in a pear tree served on boxing day 2009 and Tron Legacy soon to see neon lords a leaping.  Seems 1898 was ahead of it's time.

Friday, December 10, 2010

Door Number Ten

Door Number Ten
When I asked for a gift that could scatch those itches I couldn't quite reach this isn't what I was expecting.

Wednesday, December 8, 2010

Door Number Eight

Door Number Eight

Sorry door eight was late, I'm blaming the rhyming for said post unprompt delivery.  This advent calendar is getting a bit beastly, it's fast becoming an animal-vent.  I promise to lay off the creatures for a few days.

Tuesday, December 7, 2010

Door Number Seven

Door Number Seven

Yesterday was a cat of sorts so I guess it's only fair today I came up with a canine.

I don't think I ever said how I come up with the images.  It's a pretty simple formula, I Google the date like December 7, then look through for something different than the normal.  The hound was in an album from someone elses Christmas.

Monday, December 6, 2010

Saturday In The Cloud

Normally an expression with room for a head or a silver lined saying, I was lucky enough to have my whole body whirlybirded in to the sky above Toronto for Windows 7 #InTheCloud event at the Canadian Air and Space Museum.

 I was excited enough to be exploring a part of the city I had yet to make it to so it came as an even bigger surprise when I arrived and was told that I could book an air born ride while learning about the new functions the name sake cloud technology had to offer.  

After walking through the museum, a curtained off area played host to four different zones each with an expert ready to guide me through a demonstration on the specialized part they were playing in a potential party situation.  I was naturally drawn to the photography and video element area.  I'd recently seen the family portrait TV commercial where a mum of three wrestles with her wiley offspring trying to get the trio to provide a perfect shot.  She's unable to tame the hydra headed sofa of boys in the same still so instead non-violently chops the head off her number one son and replaces it with a better pose from a previous snap.  With a couple of clicks or in this case touch screen taps she's got the image she dreamed off without the hassle of firing up Photoshop.  I was shown how to remove a splatter of blood from a shaving accident in an instant without a cloning tool or skin sampler in sight.  The new and improved photo could them be put on various social networks with the same ease.  The dreaded tagging scenario was also reduced with facial and name recognition integrated..  The video of my sky flight above was edited with ultra simplistico Window Movie Maker though on display was the 2011 version that comes as part of Windows 7.  For another short video I made I used this but wasn't overly impressed.  The autopilot mode makes a good montage out of photos but editing motion brings back annoying memories where I ended up resorting to bootlegging the project I was working on by filming the screen as it wouldn't save.  It actually ended up adding an extra effect that I really liked, maybe I just need practice?

With a pit stop of Pad Thai I ate up this and other information about sharing projects between Windows 7 machines and TVs as well as seeing the mobile devices shifting focus to work and play on the move.  It sounded too good to be true that multiple people can work on the same project at once without the rally of files flipping back and forth on Email and now having a more relaxed attitude about web connectivity as any spell of net drought is remedied on the next latch on.  It was a lot of information to fill my noggin with in one go but luckily I wasn't too overloaded to weigh the air craft down.

I really hope the C in the TTC suddenly starts standing for Copter as it was such an amazing ride.

Door Number Six

Door Number Six

Apparently cats and Christmas trees mean trouble.  Here's the best tip on how to not solve this problem
  • Do not put a dog shock collar on your cat, it will hurt it because a kitten is much smaller then a dog.

Saturday, December 4, 2010

Door Number Five

Door Number Five

There used to be a lot of suicides where I used to work during December.  Loneliness or present purchase pressure I don't know.  You're worth more than the collective delayed minutes of people on a platform.

Friday, December 3, 2010

Door Number Four

Door Number Four

Burn down your house or take over the world on Xmas day?  I'm pretty sure these could do both if you plugged them in. 

Also available in creepy chicken condom flavor

Dear England...

I miss how screwed you get in "extreme" weather conditions

Not quite a human centipede crossing the road.

Thursday, December 2, 2010

Door Number Three

German snow is my favourite.  I'll never forget coming in to land at Berlin and hearing excited people chirping the same word, Schnee,  like Deutscher Pokemon when they saw the white covering on the ground.  They also have schneit which sounds like it should be the word for slush or a dog pop in an igloo.  It was a strange timed trip in February on year.  I'd just dropped out of art school in my final year and fled to there for a fortnight.  I foolishly skimped on printing out a map to the hostel instead opting to draw a map from glancing at a computer screen, I mean how many town halls can there be in one city?!  Turned out there was an infestation of Rathaus and after going back and forth late at night on the subway I eventually asked a man who took pity on me and drove us to the hostel.  His car smelt musky and he couldn't remember the word for seatbelt but I lived to tell the tale.  The next day I threw up on the street because it was so cold.

Door Number Three

If you're ever in Berlin take this free walking tour

No Pot in Tdot

I've still not see Harry Potter!  This one has a special place in my heart as the book came out while I was traveling in Europe 2007.  My lady chum was in desperation to get her peepers on those Deathly Hallows having pre-ordered it from WH Smiths before we set sail on the trains to Spain.  Lots of  Lalala-ing out loud on the beach when other touristas were flicking through the pages.  She got lucky in more ways than one when we made friends with a chap called Joel who was sharing our bunky bed box in Madrid.  He met us a couple of months later in Prague for a rainy reunion and delivery of said book.  The last part of our trip was like an audio book with her synopsizing what was going on instead of Stephen Fry reading.

Potter Watch in Hamburg at Instant Sleep hostel

Now that would be a great hostel to be named after!  Baby Sleep and Instant Baby.

Door Number Two

Door Number Two

Dedicated to my annoying day of trying to cancel a freebie gym membership, it was really unfunny like that episode of friends (dare you to click)

Image from who spookily have stores in my old city Norwich known for mustard and Ipswich known for killings of prostitutes.

I kind of like this image as well

Wednesday, December 1, 2010

Scone in Sixty Seconds

Contests are kind of my thing.  I've had some really good fortune.  I'm currently doing a Grinchy green one.  The theme was to come up with an environmental Xmas ideas in 60 seconds or less.  It was harder than you'd think and had to resort to a Benny Hill/Batmobile speed up to fit it inside the time limit. 

I went all Blue Peter and made this: 

Votes can be placed each hour of the day which is a crazy chore and I'm hoping that because I was one of the first few to enter I can keep up the momentum, even if it's just me clicking once and hour by myself.

Tenuous festive link to Nic Cage 

Tuesday, November 30, 2010

Door Number One

It's become a little tradition of mine to make an online advent calendar.  2010 is now my third year of seeking out alternative images to countdown Chrimblomas and beyond.

So here goes...
Door Number One

I saw this image at Gallery TPW just the other day.  See I did pay attention and didn't just sniff out their cheese and nibbles at the opening.  Exhibition runs until December 4th.

Thursday, November 25, 2010


Last night was the very end of the Reel Asian gig with a big party for the volunteers.  It was tempuratastic with lots of giveaways that never seemed to stop.  I won some ninja socks which at first I mistook for gloves meant for kids with flippers.  It's like my big toe has swine flu and lives in it's very own quarantine zone away from the other little piggies.  Just the other day I mentioned that ninja was considered a bad word while I was growing up.  Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles were called Teenage Mutant Hero Turtles in the UK.  I guess the people in power thought kids would green up and go on a nun chuck crime spree if you mentioned the N word.

I used to go round my friend at the end of the street's house and have "sing the theme tune" contests judged by Nanny Pam pre-American Idol/X factor.  I'm not sure I could quite hit those notes anymore.  Heroes in a Half Shell - Turtle Power! (wouldn't a whole shell just be a walnut?).

Vote for my Mo like here then like here

Tonight is the Movember gala parté.  I came to the game a little late but have had a fun time playing with my face fuzz after coming up with the pun team name Moby Schick.  I found a perfect Dick quote that mentions November and growing grim about the mouth.  Later today I'll transform my face in to a seascape with my tache as the famous albino beast.  Not being a natural blond I had help from Fuss hair studio who took the pigment out of my upper lip.  I joked about putting to foil on my whiskers but it totally worked, thanks to Kirstin.

Wednesday, November 24, 2010

Don't Drink Coffee, I Take (Bubble)Tea My Dear...

After a brief bloggy stint for the Reel Asian Film Festival I've decided to keep on going and write about living in Toronto. 

I'm not sure if this will work or what I'll plop on here.  Might as well aim big and set the ultimate goal to have Sting sing Englishman in Tdot as opposed to New York.

If all else fails I'll squawk it myself or download his tasty brains Dollhouse style.